Managing the scary stuff - both chosen and not
Don't forget to breathe.
Dear ones,
Today is Election Day in the US, and I know many of you are feeling... a lot. If you haven't voted yet and you're able to, please do. Not everybody who wants to in this country can do so (for a variety of reasons), and though we may feel very small in this world, your voice matters even when it feels like it doesn't. Especially when it feels like it doesn't.
Speaking of feelings – I’ve been thinking a lot about how we handle intense emotional states, both the ones we seek out and the ones that find us uninvited. I mean, let’s be honest, I am always thinking about those things quite a lot… but today in particular. But when I opened up my Fet feed today, I found a fabulous post by my friend WhiskeyGinger with a list of their “sensory buffet” of self-regulation activities. Somatic self-soothing and grounding is powerful and it works; you just sometimes need to play around to find the right tools for you. If you are feeling scattered, anxious, or overwhelmed today, I encourage you to check their ideas out. (Or any other day. Things like this aren't just election day tools – they're useful for any time you need to find your way back to your body and your breath, including within and after play!)
This exploration of emotional intensity actually ties into the last thing I wanted to share today: not this upcoming weekend but the next, I have a double-feature of classes on some different flavors of consensual emotional manipulations of sorts!
On Saturday, November 16, I’m teaching When No Doesn't Mean No: Negotiation and Communication for Consensual Nonconsent (Fet RSVP here to tell others you’re coming, then click here to get your ticket so you actually get the Zoom link for class!).
The day after, Sunday the 17th, I’m doing my new-ish Playing with Fear: Empowered Navigation of Thrills and Risks (same deal: Fet RSVP here; and the actual ticket link is here).
These two classes are bound to have some overlapping students, but they’re actually mostly different in terms of content… and so if you happen to have both days free, I think you’ll likely benefit from both. If not (or if you’ve already taken one of them), they stand alone just as well! If I had to say the main difference between them — besides the simple fact that CNC does NOT always have to do with fear, and fear play is NOT always CNC — I’d say that the CNC class focuses a bit more on soft skills for negotiating + communicating within these scenes and the fear class has a bit more about fear science and the practicalities in these scenes, but there’s a bit of both in both. That said, y’all know where to find me if you have any questions about which might be the better fit for you this time!
At any rate, whether you're managing election anxiety or exploring something deep+dark in a more consensual manner, remember that intensity doesn't have to be something that happens to us – we can learn to dance with it, understand it, and to invite it in under whatever terms we like. And we can hold for and care for each other, in the cases where it doesn’t enter our worlds in the ways we want it to.
Take gentle care of yourselves today and don’t forget to hydrate, no matter where you are. I'm thinking of y’all.
xo,
v